#and my self-indulgence is drawing emotions
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ha ha ha wheeeee
(individual smaller expressions under the cut!!)
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if a total of Two (2) people are interested i will ramble abt my hcs abt layton's emotions REQUIREMENTS HAVE BEEN FULFILLED!!! check here for my rambles :)
#mak art#maksona#mak draws pl#professor layton#hershel layton#sometimes u just gotta be a lil self-indulgent#and my self-indulgence is drawing emotions#more specifically. making stoic characters emote strongly#tried to keep them in line with how i imagine he'd portray them#but obviously they're all pretty out of character nevertheless#he's sooooo emotionally constipated <3 someone get him some help#originally the laughing one wasn't there#but i put it in bc i felt bad for making him feel only Bad emotions#well. surprise isn't necessarily bad but.#hershel is a man who doesn't like being caught off guard. so#he can laugh. as a treat#the scared one is bad but i ran out of fucks to give
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jersey maids đđ
open for better quality | no reposts
#kaveh#alhaitham#kavetham#genshin impact#food#fanart#myart#doodle#sometimes you gotta draw smth incredibly self-indulgent for your mental and emotional wellbeing LOL#this was a product of me looking into japanese fashion subcultures#the outfit styles are super cute so. i put my beloveds in them#also! this was good food rendering practice hehe#i used a reference for the croissant but the coffee was all me somehow??#every time i see open apps i'm like wow i gotta boost my portfolio-#and get better at drawing different things (like food for instance) ><#but i think it's best to take my time bc i feel like i get the best results when i have fun w/ pieces like this one ^^
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hi i wanted to draw my own au so have a snippet of scene i rewrote like 12 times and will likely rewrite again
#was thinking about captioning this with uhhh the written version of the scene in my drafts#but its mostly just dialogue#so youre not missing much#i hope i convey the emotion well through expression#sigh part of the reason im hesitant about making this au a comic instead of a fic is that like. most of what ive written for it is prose-#-that doesnt translate that well visually?#a lot of the storytelling for this au i think is told better with narration#so if/when i ever like. share the whole story#it will likely just be a fic#but i suck at sharing unfinished writing on tumblr so what i post here is mostly scenes i wrote turned into comics#<- partially to gauge interest! i like knowing if people care about what im making#but also partially just because i REALLY like this au. its super self indulgent#i know i only draw angsty shit for it but i swear its about friendship ok. like half of what ive written is really sweet#.the other half is actually angst BUT THATS IRRELEVANT. ok normal tags now#doodles#ghost roxas au#roxas#sora#kingdom hearts#hmm i dont think this one translated as well as it couldve. its meant to be a sort of slow build to outright anger#bc its like. soras confusion + frustration finally building to the point hes yelling#but it feels sort of sudden here so idk. could also be that theres no context to this#roxas' reaction too reads a bit differently than i wrote it as (more angry than like. ptsd response for lack of a better descriptor)#WHATEVER WHATEVER DONE RAMBLING IN THE TAGS I HOPE YOU LIKE THE ART
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age swap au in my head goes crazy nothing else in my entire life has had me reimagining an entire series from the ground up like this one
#and for once the brainrot is not even That Much about anne is just about plantars and like. my self indulgent wishes of there#being more screentime via their family trauma and how the boomchuys play into that#this post was supposed to be me asking if there was any specific episodes you guys would wanna see art of#but i realize i literally just wanna draw at least 1 thin for EVERY episode LOLLL#i like thinking about the plantars going thru emotional turmoil#big sister polly is doing things to my brain#also i had the most vivid.. like. remake of how hopping mall happens. but like#i wanna draw it after ive done something for the previous eps#but im scaredid lose inerest again before i get there đ#age swap
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hiii so uh hopefully this isn't odd but i just wanted to let you know your reconstruct au popped up into my head while i was doing my bored-at-work daydreaming today :'3c i think it's really cool and my brain was like 'huh (my oc from gen 7) is a universe hopper basically, i wonder what would happen if something went totally wrong and he ended up meeting those guys...', idk i would think it's cool if this happened with some of my characters so i figured i'd let you know! anyway have a good day!
Imagine being in the endless space between dimensions and then you happen to see another person! What do?? D:
Ok joking aside, can I just say I made such a happy giddy sound when I read that my AU was something you were thinking about in your "bored at work daydreaming" x3 What an honor! That is really neat to think about tho! I have to wonder how they would react too. I could imagine Wish would be surprised, but also very curious. Reconstruct I would imagine as being more apprehensive. As far as he is concerned, everything is a danger and should be treated as such until proven otherwise. Fun fact! When I first created Reconstruct, I had a tempting thought to make an ask/role play blog with him. I figured since his job has him universe hopping it might be fun to see how others would interact with him and vice versa (given that my main ask blog is very.. uh.. set in place xD). I thought it might give me a chance to expand on my ideas but I ended up convicting myself that it wasnt a good idea. Then I made Wish and started to get really invested in this duo, and with the few questions I got here, I cant deny that itch keeps coming back and I am trying really hard not to give in xD Its really cool to know that someone else has a character that can also travel to different universes! I would love to know about them if you ever want to share đ This really made me happy and thank you so much for sharing!
#night's art#my art#my characters#codename: wish#wish#project reconstruct#reconstruct#asks#answer#night talks#night rambles#I wasnt really planning on drawing out a reply but I also couldnt help it#Wish somehow keeps getting cuter every time I draw him??#anonymous#scroodles#self indulgent draw#hnng the urge to make an ask blog is so real#but at the same time I dont have much time/energy to do the things I need to be doing so its like#id just be setting myself up im sure |D#still how fun it is to think on it~#I have really loved the idea of getting the chance for them to meet others#side note#its interesting to me to see how much these characters have grown in the time Ive had them#Especially Reconstruct#He has really grown and changed so much and it makes me emotional#Wish also grew a lot too for that matter!#I just love them a lot ok????????????
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Buggy the clown I would like to award you the highest honor I can bestow, drawing you with pink hair
#buggy the clown#one piece#fan art#art#hes truly become my little meow meow#idk what i have w/ him but i only draw the most self indulgent stuff atm#hes my emotional support ig
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step one: befriend a person who can sew
step two: infiltrate a party you werenât invited to
step three: ????
step four: profit
#historical fantasy#enlightenment era fantasy#excuse me ma'am these are my emotional support ocs#enlightenment witches#oc: cress#oc: jack#so Iâm not apologising for self indulgent art any more#I take the inspiration where I can find it#and this is what I wanted to draw soâŚ..#i just think they're neat#this is one of the scenes Iâm really looking forward to writing#some dayâŚâŚâŚ.. maybe never#also this background was a journey you should see some of the drafts đ¤Ž#my ocs#original character
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Mm because I've been feeling kinda sucky about my art for the last week nice little self-improvement post over the past ehh 5 months or so?
Under a cut because it's literally just some art I've already posted from the last 5 months (literally the first finished drawing of LMK I did far back. It's literally only been 5 months why does it feel like a year. Geeze.) so I can see tasty improvement but uhh yeah
#all of my like in the last couple weeks stuff has been OCs#which I haven't been drawing for as long so didn't wanna include#mostly stuff to Macaque + Wukong because they were def the hardest things for me to draw walking into LMK#but now I can at least sketch them digitally pretty easily even if their scarves still throw me without a reference#and I'm pretty proud of myself#this is literally just me being self-indulgent because I needed a bit of a boost ignore this#side note look at me!!! not cringing away from my old art at the first sight of it!!!!#actually able to like it and acknowledge how it's helped me grow!!! look at that!!!#honestly I have so many scrapped sketches I may post someday because even though they were scrapped because of how bad they were#they're still so important to how much I've improved#letting myself make bad art is honestly the best thing I've ever done for myself#and it turns out when all is done and finished I'm still proud of the effort and love?? and it doesn't feel that bad anymore??#that 19 hour comic I'm so proud of? I was never gonna do it because I thought the sketch looked bad#but a friend saw it and went 'yes finish it'#and I'm so glad I did#whoof it is. 5 AM.#emotions tonight#wow
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thinking abt my ocs for layton and vibrating bc i dont have motivation to draw or write them right now
#the problem w me talking/drawing/writing abt them is that i only imagine once and a while and i dont write my ff ideas down bc#im really self conscious while i write things that are self indulgent#and i overthink my writing bc i think of the big over arching narrative i havent made yet but i have these cool scenes in my head#and then get excited and over simplify the diction into âhe said this she did thatâ and while a simple first draft is a good blase to start#i want the process to be over so fast that i get agitated eith myself its not finished/perfect on the first try i get really tired from#*myself bcs#from the last two emotional processes i just mentioned that the gears in my head stop and i cant write for the rest of the day#and theres a difference between yapping on tumblr and writing#its not even like im angry with the drawing i made its more like the physical process of it makes me tired#probably bc i do t have a proper computer desk and i do everything from tha bed via lap desk and an a tablet pillow on my criss cross legs#hmm⌠maybe im just uncomfortable thenâŚ#btw guys i dont have my own room so i have like zero privacy#at least not yet >:)#thats it thats the post#byeah
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Vibrating with the urge to talk about a topic I do not want to discuss publicly
#the age old shame of remaking one of my blorbos in the sims#like i have many blorbo thoughts but i don't really want anyone else to see them. but if they don't get out i'll explode#they're just self indulgent y'know? not everything needs to be put on display! i like having an interior world just for me!#but also i am VIBRATING!!!#shaking the bars of my cage!!!!#the issue is fundamentally that i think the current blorbo brainrot is fairly ooc#and a daydream of about 6 scenes of self indulgent emotional and physical intimacy doesn't need to be in character#but if i put it outside of my brain suddenly it is being Presented To The World (especially online)#and i'm not comfortable with having things out there that are mine but not up to my standards#if you will#so i'm vibrating with my little self indulgent crossovers and not putting them anywhere#i can't draw fanart (feels Bad don't ask it's just some weird shame i guess?? not getting rid of it any time soon though)#and i can't write (i write not that well)#(and for both if i see it on paper suddenly it's Real and Out There outside of my brain which no)#vibrating vibrating vibrating vibrating#to the tune of the fool by jain go listen to it it's good it kinda reminds me of some marina songs in a way#wow i have a ramble tag now
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â¨The Jades are here!â¨ď¸
-âŚ- CURRENT PROJECTS -âŚ-
ISAT: Sky CotL AU
LMK: ShadowPeach Bio Parents AU
My character Illustration Course!
-âŚ- A B O U T M E -âŚ-
Welcome to my super self-indulgent blog! I'm a 24 y/o professional fanartist from Nord Italy. I've worked for projects alongside creators like Alex Hirsch, Dana Terrace, Matt Braly & Rebecca Sugar. I'm open for commissions from November to March, as I work as a Windsurf / Wingfoil instructor the rest of the year.
-âŚ- S U P P O R T M E -âŚ-
â¨Check out my RedBubble shop and browser over 400 stickers & Prints designs!
â¨You can Tip me on KO-FI or get HD files of my prints!
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-âŚ- R U L E S & F A Q -âŚ-
â¨I have a really long queue, if you send me an ask it can take up to 40 days to be posted, but it WILL be answered!
â¨Don't spam my DM's with "hey"/"hello"/"hi"
â¨I answer DMâs if itâs about my art, or sharing content like fics or fanarts, not for chit chats or making friends
â¨Don't repost WITHOUT PERMISSION! (ESPECIALLY on other socials / websites)
â¨ď¸Feel free to ask me in Anonymous, but I might delete the post after 5/8 months for organization reason.
â¨ď¸When you ask me something with the ask buttom, ASK me something, please use the comments or the DM option for other comments!
â¨ď¸Please don't ask/demand me of drawing a certain thing, I don't do request and it makes me feel pressured and unease. Instead, ask me if I'm planning on drawing said thing in the future.
â¨Feel free to comment by reblogging and adding your text, but I will answer questions only if you use the ask or the comment option under the post (I want this blog to be as much as possible reblog-free)
⨠Iâm not responsable for any emotional or physical damage caused by my art.
â¨Which Program you use? Procreate
â¨ď¸Which brush you use? Custom ones I made in Procreate that you can get HERE!
â¨Can I make fanart / Fanfiction of your art? YES! But please TAG me as I wanna see them!
â¨ď¸I appreciate the DMs Iâve been receiving, but due to the overwhelming number of requests, I can no longer respond to them or take on additional reblogs/donations/gofund me campaign. Please respect this boundaryâthank you for understanding
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To Be Seen
Azriel x Reader
This is my first ever one-shot or fanfiction type writing on here, so be patient with me bc it will be FAR from perfect or good.
This is purely self-indulgent bc again, I'm new at this and just wanted to write an insert or y/n type little blurb.
Summary; Being the best friend of Feyre when she was human, you regretfully got roped in and turned with her sisters as a tool for manipulation by Hybern. As the sister's find it hard to settle in claiming the attention of the two other bats, you attempt to make Feyre's and the inner court's life easier by flying under the radar and figuring it out on your own. However, are you really as unnoticed as you hope or is a certain shadowsinger entrapped by your caring and soft nature as his heart battles his mind for the third sister or you.
Warnings: None really, mentions of PTSD and anxiety, loneliness and self-help, slow-burn, slight angst with a fluffy ending, reader just wants to be seen but feels like she can't ask
Word count: 2,389
Pt2
The sound of a door opening broke you out of your thoughts as you sat in the drawing room in the house of wind. The gentle crackle of the fire Infront of you allowed your body to sit comfortably within the rather cold season and the book you were just reading sat loose in your lap. You haven't gotten used to your enhanced hearing yet as your now longer and thicker hair gently fell from where you had tucked it behind your ear.
"Y/n?" Your best friend's voice echoed into the room as her footsteps followed. A soft smile spread across your features as she came in, confirmed you where there, and plopped down ungraciously on the couch next to you. "Thank the mother you are here."
Her features where stressed, the worry written all over her face as she took your form in.
"What's going on?" You ask, hopeful to help.
Feyre let out a sigh as she let her eyes wonder to the fire Infront of the both of you.
"Nothing. Everything. I don't know, it seems that everything I do to try and help Nesta and Elaine seems to only make things worse." She rung her hands, a trait she picked up back in the human lands when she was nervous or upset. "It just never seems enough to make them comfortable or to try and apologize for everything that happened."
Your best friend's eyes slightly widened as she took her gaze from the flames.
"How are you? Are you doing okay?" The genuine care and concern oozing off of the female Infront of you reminded you of why you cared so much about your friend in the first place. When she was taken, you had searched high and low for her in hopes to get her back only to have her return happy and healthy with a loving man, or male, doting on her every need. You were ecstatic, and expressed yourself as so, even if it was with fae beings. When you and her sisters were taken, that happiness was put on hold to make sure that you are all where comfortable. Feyre's self-sacrificing nature did always drive you mad, even now when she was so close to being truly happy.
"I'm okay Feyre." She shot you a look, trying to dig deeper and call the bluff you made. "Seriously, I'm here with you and in an amazing place that I could only dream of with great people."
"A lot happened Y/n. A lot happened to Elaine and Nesta, but a lot happened to you." She was right, and it was weird for you to be so put together when the worlds of the other two were falling to pieces. With your more emotional and strong relationship with Feyre, you had been held captive with her sisters yes, but you also took the brunt of interrogation that the wicked king deemed necessary to gain any information of her court. You had put yourself in that position, you knew how awful she would feel about her familial blood being brutalized in such a way, so you took the heat. But, in the end, her sisters still took the change harder and refused to accept their new life, making everyone on edge and overexerting themselves to help.
With one look at your best friend's-tired eyes, you knew that she couldn't handle another burden. More like she shouldn't have to handle another burden.
The word tasted sour on your tongue.
Burden.
Shaking your head a small gentle smile graced your face, and you forced your features to emulate that same energy.
"I'm okay Feyre, really. Aside from some cool new power thing that I haven't figured out, I'm fine. " The breath she released could only register as relief in your mind as she met your smile.
"Okay, and we will definitely start working on that when we are all settled here." Her reassurance did little to reassure that it would be investigated. Again, with the two sisters gaining war altering abilities, your random energy (that had yet to manifest) would be put on the back burner until everyone else was settled. Again, the slight dismissal ached, but you understood the need for others to take precedence.
Giving a little nod, you two sit in silence for a bit just listening to the crackling of the fire and enjoying each other's presence. That is, until a wince rippled across your friends face and she slowly rose.
"I'm sorry, I have to go. I think Elaine is out and not talking to Lucien and it's a mess-"
"It's fine Feyre, go make sure they are okay." You assure with the same smile. Giving one last 'thank you, I love you' she was gone like the wind that howled outside the windows. The silence that followed her exit had the ringing in your ears become a bit to unbearable. Removing yourself from the couch, you travel down to your room and grab a quick change of footwear.
Today would be a good day to explore the town, or at least good enough to get your mind out of the dark slump of trying to acclimate to its' new body and abilities.
Making your way towards the door, a small flicker of shadow catches your eye.
"Hello?" You call. You know that Rhys is most likely with Feyre and Azriel is also probably there because of Elaine, so you dismiss it quickly after a moment, chalking it up to just a trick of the light.
Opening the door, the slight chill on the wind has a shiver run through you, but the sun quickly chased it away. Breathing a sigh, you look at the vastness of the stairs below you.
No time like the present.
Taking one step at a time and avid breaks when needed, you would rather not admit to yourself just how much time that trek took. However, upon reaching the bottom, the satisfaction that filled you outweighed the journey. Walking down the streets of Velaris, the bustling normality of the people filled you with ease. As your heels clicked against the stones below, your gaze just missed the little shadow that trailed behind your body.
Taking in the colors and vibrant people, the ease and happiness that covered their faces had the ache in your gut grow more and more. Your mind wandered to if you would ever be that happy and mundane. With everything that had happened so far, the familiar life in the human forest (although had its struggles) seemed like an ideal. It was the lack of routine, lack of knowledge, the newly sprouted life, the misplacement, all of it plus more. You didn't notice your breathing gain more weight and take longer to fill your lungs than it did at the house. You also didn't notice the little skitter of the shadow that had followed you as it raced away towards some unseen location. The heat in your body seemed to increase as the sight of a simple family loving and walking together entered your mind.
Would anyone love you like this?
You couldn't think.
Ducking into a nearby ally, the overhead sheets and covering allowed it to be shaded and darker than the streets 20 feet away. Even then, the darkness of the ally seemed to illuminate with your presence there. However, it wasn't the light, it was the lack of grasp of oxygen you could inhale and the strenuous shaking your body couldn't stop. The tears that fell without your knowledge burned their tracks into your skin and sizzled as they hit the ground. Your body gave way to the spasms that took ahold of you as your mind raced. Burring your head into your knees, you attempted to shut the world out and let your mind slow but to no avail. You wished the darkness of the alley would swallow you whole, allow the sun and light to escape you being seen just this once.
Almost as if your prayers where in fact answered, the light surrounding you died as the darkness of the ally surrounded you. Picking your head up to view what cloud or magical being answered your plea, your eyes were met with those of hazel crouching Infront of you.
"Azriel?" You hadn't met this male for more than a couple days ago. He was nice, offering to go with you places or chat every so often. You had a couple nightly talks with him where you shared some stories between the two of you. Nothing out of the ordinary though, you felt safe around him when he was near. Confusion washed your features and for a moment your brain stopped running in circles and focused on why the male might be in front of you in this very unfortunate situation.
"You're okay." His large hands had gently pried your head from between your own. He Slowly, as if not to spook you further, reached for your hands and took them in his own. As twisted as it sounded, the morbid scarring that littered his skin grounded you further and pulled you back to this moment and out of that forsaken cell and cold water. "Focus on me, breathe."
The ease of your breath returned as the seeming dark cloud that surrounded you peeled back revealing that same dampened alleyway. However, the slight char on the walls and burns on the ground was distinct enough to question. Looking around, more of those marks surrounded you but faded as it got further from you. Opening your mouth to ask, a quick look from the male had you hesitant as he shook his head.
"One thing at a time sunshine." You nod, ignoring the small butterfly that hatched in your stomach at the nickname, but the pain in your head from the little outburst brought you back to reality. Bringing your hand up to caress the muscle between your eyes, Azriel scanned you from head to toe checking for any other possible injuries. "Let's get you back to the house, okay? Have Madja take a look at you and maybe give you something to help process."
Although the beginning of his statement was directed at you, for an answer, the second part was mumbled more to himself.
"Okay." The short response was all you could get past your lips as he sent you a small smile and opened his arms.
Looking at him questionably, he held back a chuckle.
"Have you never flown?" Shaking your head, no, you had never flown before. Winnowed? Yes, but never in the arms of one of the three males residing in the same house at you. The aspect of Azriel being your first had a little flush cover your cheeks. He approached you carefully, scanning your eyes for any aversion to being touched or space invaded. If you didn't just have a literally breakdown in the middle of Velaris, you could've sworn there was a deeper emotion residing in his eyes.
Guilt?
Worry?
Longing?
You couldn't place it and decided not to keep the process waiting. Taking a step towards him, he kept his arms spread out to accompany your space against his.
"Wrap your arms around me." His voice was lowered with your closer proximity. Slowly you brought your arms to wrap around the back of his neck. He waited until you settled there before moving to hoist you up into his arms and walk slightly out of the alley to give his wings more room to take flight.
While doing so, you couldn't help but settle into his warmth as it felt nice against our colder frame. With all the adrenaline wearing off, you were left shivering.
"Make sure to hold on." He noted, which was all the notice you got before suddenly you two were no longer on the ground. Tightening your grip instinctually, you shut your eyes as you could practically feel the male smile at your nature.
"How did you get down there anyway?" With the loud wind it was hard to hear, but again due to the lack of space between the two of you his voice rang clear.
"I walked."
"Down those?" Without realizing the easygoing atmosphere he created, you had peered open your eyes to look down at the stairs you both were currently soaring over. Only a brief look however as you still had some human tendencies and did have a slight aversion to heights.
"Yeah." You nodded and went to shut your eyes once more to finish out the flight, but as you did you caught sight of a new look on the spymaster's face.
Pride.
Landing as softly as possible, Madja was already there waiting for the two of you to arrive. Without thinking, you blamed it on the spymaster's shadows (but grateful they were there). Feyre also stood to the side of her, worry wringing her hands again and you let out a sigh of defeat.
Stumbling out of Azriel's arms, he steadied you, giving a once over before his high lady had shot him an inquiring look. She looked at you shortly after.
"You are never to lie to me again Y/n, you hear?" Her chastising voice was filled with love and worry all the same.
But before you could open your mouth to respond with a thousand reasons why you might, a certain male beat you too it.
"Don't go too hard on her, admittedly we have all been a bit busy to check in." You both glanced back at the male in question as his shadows wrapped around him in song. He has said it was so to promise his attention to fix the problem, which warmed your core.
"She will be okay Feyre." Meeting eye contact with him, he had sent you a small nod of his head and smile before disappearing into the dark.
Your best friend looked at you in question, but a deeper thought was spinning in her head. However, the little throat clear of the healer nearby jumpstarted the next 24 hours of care and therapy from your best friend and the best healers in Prythian. The whole endeavor couldn't tear your thoughts to a certain inner court male and the way his arms felt around you.
Maybe you would be okay.
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LOVE IS THE ONE THING THAT CANNOT BE TAINTED BY FEAR OR DOUBTââFATHER CHARLIE MAYHEW
part two!!!
for this request!!
â summary | you and father charlie share a bond that goes beyond the confines of your church duties, with your public image as a nurturing servant masking the frustration and resentment you harbor privately. when nun megan grows suspicious and begins spying, she uncovers the intimate, vulnerable side of your relationship, catching a moment where emotions boil over into something more forbidden
â pairing | father charlie mayhew x fem!mother!reader
â word count | 6k
â warnings | few kisses, kinda angsty, pretty wholesome though, nun megan being nosy AF, mentions/descriptions of being longing to be a mother + have a family, forbidden love, ends on a cliff hanger (part 2 coming soon, i just couldn't fit everything in one part)
â ev's notes | my requests are open if you wanna send anything in! (please do btw i'm obsessed w nicholas LMAO). again this turned out very wordy and self-indulgent, my apologies
ok love u bye!!! pls send me requests!!!!!!
⨠missing out on updates? check out my masterlist!
The faint scent of incense lingers in the air, the wisps of smoke curling upward toward the stained glass windows, where muted beams of light filter through, casting the nave in shades of gold and crimson. The church is quiet now, save for the soft rustle of robes and the shuffling feet of the last parishioners as they take their leave. You remain rooted to your spot at the front, hands clasped in front of you, your gaze lowered in practiced reverence.
Youâve spent years perfecting this imageâa serene, dutiful figure in service to the church. The warmth you offer is genuine, but it's also an armor, a shield from the world beyond the altar. You can feel their eyes on you as they depart, expecting grace, expecting humility, expecting nothing more than what youâve always given them.
But beneath the surface, you can feel the stirrings of something else. The long hours, the endless work, the weight of expectationsâit grinds against you, slowly wearing away at the image youâve created. And no one sees it. No one, except him.
Father Charlie stands beside the altar, his back turned to you as he speaks to one of the deacons, his voice low and calming, as it always is. Thereâs something about himâsomething steady, something realâthat draws you to him. Heâs the only one who understands the pressures you both face, the only one who sees through the veneer you maintain for the sake of the church.
As the last of the congregation filters out, a wave of relief washes over you. The doors close with a soft echo, leaving the two of you in the lingering quiet of the empty church. You allow yourself to breathe, to let go of the tightness in your chest. Itâs only in moments like these, when the others have gone, that you can finally be yourselfâunburdened by the expectations of the flock, free from the eyes of those who can never truly understand.
But you sense it, donât you? That something else is watching, something creeping at the edges of this sanctuary, waiting for you to slip.
You feel a prickle of awareness, an instinct, perhaps, that youâre not as alone as you think. But you push it aside, telling yourself itâs nothingâjust the remnants of the day clinging to your thoughts. After all, in the safety of the church, what could possibly be wrong?
You step forward, closer to Father Charlie, your voice dropping to a murmur. âThey never stop looking, do they?â
He turns toward you, and thereâs a softness in his expressionâsomething that tells you heâs been thinking the same thing. âNo,â he says quietly, âthey never do.â
You exchange a glance with Father Charlie, a silent acknowledgment passing between you. He sees the cracks in your facade, the weight you carry, but you donât speak of it yet. Instead, you let the stillness of the church settle over you like a heavy cloak.
From the corner of your eye, you notice a figure lingering near the back of the nave, her sharp eyes scanning the room with a quiet intensity. Nun Megan.
Sheâs always watching, isnât she? Always hovering on the fringes, her gaze lingering just a second too long whenever youâre near Father Charlie. At first, you thought it was nothingâjust her usual vigilance. But lately, youâve felt her eyes more than ever, probing, curious. Sheâs never said anything outright, but the suspicion is there, woven into every glance, every pause when the two of you are together.
Today is no different.
She lingers by the back pew, her hands folded in front of her, eyes flicking between you and Father Charlie, as though waiting for something, anything, to confirm what she already suspects. You can feel the weight of her judgment, subtle but ever-present, like a shadow you canât shake.
Father Charlie hasnât noticed her yet, his focus still on you as he speaks softly, a reassuring tone to his words. âYou know we canât let this consume us. What we do here⌠itâs bigger than us.â
His words are meant to calm you, to pull you back from the edge of frustration, but your thoughts are already racing. You glance toward Nun Megan again, just in time to see her quickly avert her gaze, pretending to adjust a candle on the altar. Sheâs watchingâof course, sheâs watching.
You wonder if sheâs been watching longer than you realize.
âI know,â you say, your voice low. But the bitterness creeps in, twisting your words. âBut sometimes I think weâre expected to be more than human. How long are we supposed to pretend we donât feel anything?â
Charlieâs eyes soften, but before he can respond, you see him glance over your shoulderâfinally catching sight of Nun Megan. The tension in the room shifts, subtle but palpable. He straightens, his face smoothing into the calm, composed expression he wears so well. âSister Megan,â he calls out, his voice gentle but pointed.
She steps forward, her smile small and tight, her eyes darting between you both. âFather Charlie,â she says softly, inclining her head in a show of respect. âI didnât mean to intrude. I was just⌠making sure everything was in order.â
Her words hang in the air, innocuous enough on the surface, but thereâs something else there, hidden beneath her polite tone. You can see it in her eyesâthe doubt, the questions she doesnât dare ask.
Not yet, anyway.
Father Charlie offers her a kind smile, though you can tell he senses it too. âEverythingâs fine, Sister,â he says. âWe were just finishing up.â
But even as she nods and steps back, you know this wonât be the last time. Sheâll keep watching, waiting for the moment when your guard slips. And when it does, sheâll be ready.
As Nun Megan retreats to the back of the church, your pulse quickens. Youâve held your composure for now, but the unease gnaws at you. The walls feel tighter, the air more stifling. Sheâs already too close, and itâs only a matter of time before she sees more than you want her to.
Father Charlie steps closer, his voice barely above a whisper. âWe have to be careful.â
You nod, but inside, you know itâs already too late. Meganâs already seen enough to suspectâand suspicion, in a place like this, is dangerous.
âââ
You lay on Charlie's bare chest, still breathless from the earlier exertion. The warmth of his skin radiates beneath your cheek, your fingers tracing lazy patterns along the scars and soft ridges of his chest. The room is quiet, save for the steady rise and fall of his breathing, the muted sound of your heartbeats thrumming together in the aftermath of what youâve just shared. The intimacy of the moment feels stolenâlike something you shouldn't have, but neither of you can resist.
You close your eyes for a moment, letting yourself sink into the softness of him, the way he smells of incense and something darker, something distinctly him. This is the one place where the world falls away, where the weight of your roles within the church, the expectations, the endless eyes watching your every moveâthey don't matter here. In these stolen moments, youâre not the pious Mother superior they expect you to be, and Charlie is not the solemn priest. Here, in the seclusion of your shared quarters, you are simply you and him.
He lets out a quiet sigh, his fingers brushing through your hair as if to anchor you to him, to the present. You shift slightly, lifting your head just enough to meet his gaze. His eyes are softer now, the usual veil of composure lowered, revealing the tenderness he reserves only for you. Thereâs a question in his gaze, though, something unspoken yet palpable, like a prayer hanging in the air between you both.
âDo you think she suspects?â you ask quietly, your voice barely above a whisper, as though even here, in this hidden sanctuary, youâre afraid to speak too loudly.
Charlieâs hand stills for a moment in your hair, and he hesitates before answering. âShe watches,â he says softly, his tone measured but tinged with a hint of unease. âMegan always watches.â
You bite your lip, trying to push away the knot of anxiety tightening in your chest. Nun Meganâs eyes have been everywhere lately, her presence lingering in corners, her footsteps echoing in halls where no one should be. You can feel her judgment even when sheâs not there, like a shadow creeping just behind you.
âWhat if she knows?â you ask, your voice shaking slightly. âWhat if sheâs already seen too much?â
Charlieâs hand cups your cheek, drawing your gaze back to his. âWeâve been careful,â he reassures you, his voice steady and soothing. âBut even if she suspects, we wonât let her tear us apart. Not here. Not now.â
His words should comfort you, but they donât. Thereâs too much at stakeâtoo many risks. And yet, despite everything, you canât pull away. The bond between you both is too deep, too powerful to sever. You close your eyes again, letting the quiet blanket you both, willing the worries to dissolve into the stillness.
But somewhere beyond the walls of this sanctuary, you know Nun Megan is watching. Waiting. And itâs only a matter of time before the veil of secrecy slips, and the forbidden truth of what you share is laid bare.
The silence between you and Father Charlie feels heavier now, like the air has thickened with all the unspoken words and the knowledge that your time together might soon be fractured by someone elseâs gaze. You shift your body, propping yourself up slightly on his chest so you can look at him fully.
His brow is furrowed, but he wears the same soft expression he always does when he's with you, the kind that calms your nerves even when the weight of the world presses in on you. You reach out and gently brush a stray lock of hair from his forehead, your fingers lingering for a moment longer than necessary.
"You canât be the one to carry all the worry," he murmurs, his voice deep and soothing, laced with that unwavering faith that youâve come to rely on. He places his hand over yours, his thumb tracing circles against your knuckles. âI can see it in your eyesâyouâve been holding too much inside.â
You want to deny it, to say that youâre strong enough, that you can bear whatever comes next, but you know heâs right. Thereâs too much weighing you downâtoo many people to answer to, too many demands, and far too many secrets.
âIâm scared,â you admit quietly, the words slipping from your lips before you can stop them. âNot just of Megan⌠but of what happens if we get caught. What theyâll do to us. What theyâll do to you.â You lower your gaze, the vulnerability of the confession hanging between you like a leaden weight.
Charlie exhales softly, his hand moving to your jaw, tilting your chin up so that your eyes meet his again. Thereâs something fierce in his gaze now, an intensity that reassures you despite the uncertainty swirling around you both.
âWhatever happens,â he says, his voice firm, âweâll face it together. They canât take that away from us.â
âWhat if itâs not enough?â you ask, your voice barely a whisper. âWhat if this⌠this thing we share, this loveâwhat if itâs not enough to save us?â
The church is supposed to be a sanctuary, a place of peace and solace, but lately, itâs felt more like a prison. You can sense the walls closing in, the tension rising between the expectation of holiness and the very human desires youâve tried so hard to suppress.
Charlie shakes his head slowly, his gaze never leaving yours. âIt is enough,â he insists. âLove is the one thing that canât be tainted by fear or doubt. What we haveâitâs sacred in its own way. Even if the church sees it differently.â
For a moment, you let yourself believe him. His words wrap around you like a protective shroud, and in this spaceâthis room, away from the watchful eyes of the othersâitâs easy to imagine that maybe, just maybe, heâs right. That what you have can survive the scrutiny, the judgment, and the dangers that loom just outside these walls.
But as much as you want to cling to that hope, the doubt is still there, lurking at the edges of your thoughts.
You donât say anything else, instead letting your head fall back against his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat beneath you. The sound is calming, a tether to the present, to this moment you share together.
But somewhere in the back of your mind, you canât shake the feeling that time is running out. That soon, Nun Megan will step beyond suspicion and into certainty, and when she does, the fragile world youâve built with Charlie will come crashing down.
Outside, the wind howls against the old stone walls of the church, a reminder of the world waiting for you beyond this small sanctuary. But for now, for this brief and precious moment, itâs just you and himâtogether, against whatever comes next.
âââ
The sun hangs high in the clear afternoon sky, casting a golden light over the open field where the annual church picnic is in full swing. Children run through the grass, their laughter ringing out like tiny bells carried on the breeze, while the adults gather around tables laden with food, exchanging pleasantries and stories. You stand near the edge of the field, watching as a group of children pulls you into their game of tag, their faces lit up with joy and mischief.
You canât help but laugh, your heart light as you chase after them, the stress and fear that have weighed on you for so long melting away, if only for a moment. The children's energy is infectious, their innocence a brief but welcome reprieve from the gravity of the world you usually inhabit. They dart around you, giggling and shrieking with excitement as they narrowly avoid your grasp, their small hands brushing against yours in passing.
You catch a young girl in your arms, swinging her around in a playful twirl before setting her down. Her laughter is so pure, so unburdened by the weight of the world, and it stirs something inside youâa long-forgotten lightness that youâve almost forgotten was there.
From across the field, Father Charlie watches you, his eyes softening as they follow your movements. You are radiant in this moment, free from the burden of secrets and suspicion, your face bright with genuine joy as you interact with the children. His heart swells at the sight, an unfamiliar warmth spreading through his chest.
He has always admired your strengthâthe way you carry so much, how you stand tall even when the weight of your responsibilities threatens to break you. But here, now, seeing you like this, surrounded by children, laughing freely, Charlie feels something different. Something deeper.
It's more than just admiration. Itâs a longing, a quiet ache for something more than the life heâs chosen. Watching you with the children sparks a warmth inside him he hadnât known he could still feel, a yearning for a different kind of closeness. One that he knows is forbidden, yet he canât help but dream about.
You twirl around with another child, your smile wide as they tumble into your arms. For a brief second, you catch Charlieâs gaze from across the field, and your eyes meet. Thereâs something in his look that makes your breath catchâa tenderness, a softness that youâve rarely seen outside the privacy of your hidden moments together. His lips curl into a small, almost shy smile, as though heâs caught himself staring but canât quite tear his gaze away.
For a moment, it feels as if the rest of the world fades away. The laughter of the children, the hum of conversations, even the sounds of natureâall of it dulls into the background as you stand there, frozen in that quiet exchange with Charlie.
Itâs a connection you feel deep in your chest, one thatâs always been there, simmering beneath the surface, but is now rising to the forefront, too powerful to ignore.
The children pull you back into the game, and the moment is broken, but the warmth of Charlieâs gaze lingers with you. As you chase after the little ones again, you feel a blush creep up your neck, knowing that even here, in the open, with the church congregation all around, thereâs something between you that no one else can touch.
Charlie tears his eyes away, his heart still beating a little faster than before. He forces himself to join in the casual conversations around him, but his thoughts remain with you, and that moment. Heâs always been good at keeping his emotions at bay, keeping his desires hidden beneath the layers of duty and faith. But now, watching you like this, he feels those walls crumbling, just a little.
And for the first time in a long while, he allows himself to wonder: What would it be like to have this warmthâto hold onto it, to let it fill the hollow spaces inside him? What would it be like if the life heâd chosen wasnât a barrier but something that could coexist with the connection he feels with you?
He shakes his head, trying to push the thoughts away. But they cling to him, persistent, like the warmth in his chest that refuses to fade.
As the afternoon wears on, and the children slowly tire out, you make your way back toward the picnic tables where the rest of the congregation was. Your cheeks flushed with exertion, your hair slightly wind-tossed, and you catch Charlie watching you again, and this time, thereâs something in his gaze that makes your heart flutterâa promise, perhaps, or a confession yet to be spoken. Charlie begins making his way over to you, a warm smile on his lips.
One of the little girls run up to you once again, practically tumbling into your arms. You giggle, grabbing her waist and pulling her into your lap.
"Mother Y/N, have you ever wanted children?" she asks.
Her question catches you off guard. The little girl's innocent eyes peer up at you, wide and curious, and for a moment, youâre unsure how to respond. You feel Charlieâs presence nearby, his footsteps slowing as he hears the question, and your heart skips a beat.
You smooth the girl's hair back gently, buying yourself a second to gather your thoughts. Children⌠itâs not something youâve allowed yourself to think about much, not with the path you've chosen. Being a mother in the literal sense feels like an impossible dreamâsomething meant for another life, another version of you.
Still, the warmth of the child in your lap, her trust and affection, tugs at something deep inside you.
You smile softly, running your fingers through her hair. âI suppose I have,â you admit, your voice gentle. âThere was a time when I thought I might have a family of my own one day. But now... I think my place is here, taking care of all of you.â
The little girl tilts her head, a frown crossing her face as she processes your words. âBut wouldnât you like to be a real mama?â she asks, her small hands gripping your arm as if to anchor you to the moment, to the question.
Before you can answer, you feel a presence behind youâCharlie has arrived. He crouches down beside you, his hand brushing your shoulder in a gesture so natural, so easy, that it almost makes your heart ache.
âThe way you care for everyone here,â he says softly, his voice warm and filled with admiration, âI think youâre already a mother to so many.â
You glance up at him, your eyes meeting his, and thereâs something in his gazeâsomething gentle and understanding, but also deeper, more personal. His words resonate in a way that goes beyond the roles youâve both taken on within the church. For a moment, you allow yourself to imagine itâwhat it would be like if things were different, if you and Charlie could have a life beyond the confines of the walls youâve built around yourselves.
The girl beams, nodding in agreement. âSee? Youâre like a mama to us already,â she declares, then wraps her small arms around your neck in a tight hug before hopping off your lap and running back toward the other children, her energy renewed.
You watch her go, your heart swelling with a mixture of emotions. When you turn back to Charlie, heâs still crouched beside you, his expression softened by something you canât quite put into words.
âYou handled that well,â he says quietly, his smile reaching his eyes.
You laugh softly, shaking your head. âI donât think I was prepared for that kind of question, if I'm being honest.â
He chuckles too, and for a brief moment, the world feels lighter, the weight of everything youâve been holding inside lifted by the simple connection between you two.
But as the childrenâs laughter echoes around you and the other parishioners continue with their picnic, you feel the weight of reality creeping back in. This quiet moment with Charlieâthis glimpse of what could beâfeels like a fleeting dream. You know the path youâve both chosen is far more complicated than that. Yet, as you stand together in the warm afternoon sun, you allow yourself to linger in this feeling for just a little while longer.
Charlieâs hand brushes against yours, lingering for just a moment, and you know that whatever happens next, whatever challenges come your way, you wonât be facing them alone.
âââ
The last light of day has faded, leaving the courtyard steeped in a deep, quiet twilight. You stand by the fountain, your fingers tracing the cold, rough surface of the stone. You try to breathe deeply, but frustration gnaws at your insides. On the outside, you wear the same mask you always doâcalm, nurturing, and devout. But inside, thereâs an ever-present storm, growing louder by the day.
Your thoughts drift back to Father Charlie, to the comfort he offered earlier. His words felt like a balm on your wounds, but they didnât erase the resentment. The weight of expectations presses on your shouldersâconstant demands, endless servitude, all while suppressing the truth of who you are.
Your gaze flickers toward the chapel, half-hoping to see him stepping into the courtyard. But the figure that emerges from the shadows isnât him.
Nun Megan.
Her steps are silent but deliberate, and her eyes are as sharp as ever. Youâve noticed her watching latelyâher gaze lingering on you and Father Charlie, suspicion glinting in her eyes.
âOut late again, I see,â she says, her voice carrying a quiet accusation. She stops a few feet away, her gaze fixed on you, unblinking. âYouâve been spending a great deal of time in Father Charlieâs company.â
You stiffen at her words, but force yourself to remain composed. You know how to wear the maskâhow to keep the perfect image intact. âI seek guidance, Sister Megan,â you reply, your voice measured. âFather Charlie offers wisdom.â
Her lips press into a thin line, her expression hard. âGuidance, is it?â Thereâs no mistaking the suspicion in her voice now. âWe all seek guidance, but youâve been⌠close.â
The accusation hangs in the air between you, cold and heavy. You feel a flash of anger rise within you, but you suppress it, keeping your voice even. âWe are all called to be close to God. To each other, Sister.â
Megan steps closer, her eyes narrowing. âPerhaps. But eyes are everywhere. You should be careful. Itâs my duty to protect the sanctity of this place.â Her words are a thinly veiled threat, warning you that sheâs watching.
Before you can respond, a voice cuts through the tension.
âSister Megan.â
You turn at the sound of Father Charlieâs voice, relief washing over you as he steps into the courtyard. His presence brings with it a sense of calm, as if the storm threatening to engulf you has momentarily eased. His gaze flicks between you and Megan, though when his eyes land on you, they soften.
âIs there a problem?â he asks, his tone neutral, but his eyes hold a silent reassurance.
Megan stands a little straighter under his scrutiny. She hesitates, clearly uncomfortable with challenging him, but her suspicion remains. âNo, Father,â she says finally. âI was simply offering our sister here a reminder of her vows. Itâs important we maintain propriety.â
Father Charlieâs expression doesnât change. âOf course, Sister. We all must uphold our vows. You may return to your duties.â
Thereâs a pause, and for a moment, you think Megan might push further. But then she inclines her head and turns away, her steps sharp and purposeful as she leaves the courtyard. The weight of her presence lingers, like a shadow refusing to lift.
As soon as sheâs gone, you exhale, tension slipping from your shoulders. Father Charlie steps closer to you, his voice low and steady. âShe grows more suspicious.â
You nod, swallowing against the knot in your throat. âI donât know how much longer I can keep doing this,â you admit, your voice barely above a whisper. The mask youâve worn for so long feels suffocating now, the weight of expectations unbearable.
Father Charlieâs expression softens, and when he reaches out, his fingers lightly brush your arm. âYouâre not alone,â he says, his voice filled with warmth. âWeâll figure this out. Together.â
His touch sends a spark through you, and for a moment, the weight of your burdens eases. But as you stand there, alone in the darkness with him, you know that the road ahead will only grow more difficult. Still, with him beside you, it feels less daunting.
You stay silent for a long moment, standing there with Father Charlie. His presence should be enough to calm you, but the weight of your thoughts has become unbearable, pressing down harder than ever before.
âI never wanted this life,â you finally whisper, eyes fixed on the fountainâs surface, the soft ripple of water reflecting the sky. âWhen I was a little girl, I dreamed of something else.â
Charlie says nothing, letting you speak, his silence a kind of permission.
You take a breath, the memories flooding back. âI used to imagine myself far away from hereâaway from society, the rules, the eyes always watching. I dreamed of having a family, children running through an open field, laughter filling the air. I wanted to be a mother,â your voice wavers slightly, âto nurture my own, not just serve others.â
The words feel strange as they leave your mouth, like a confession youâve never dared to speak aloud. Even though youâve lived in service, dedicating yourself to this life, thereâs always been a gnawing ache inside you for something moreâsomething that belonged solely to you.
âI imagined a small cottage,â you continue, your voice growing softer, âwith a garden, flowers blooming. Somewhere far from this place, where no one could judge me, where I could be free. I wanted to love, to build a life that was mine.â
Father Charlie shifts closer, his hand lightly brushing against yours, offering silent support.
âBut instead⌠I ended up here.â The words hang in the air, heavy with regret. âI thought I was doing the right thing, choosing this path. I thought it would bring me peace. But it didnât. It feels like every day, Iâm giving up more of myselfâburying my real desires so deep I hardly recognize them anymore.â
Your throat tightens as a tear escapes, sliding down your cheek. The picnic earlier flickers in your mind, how for a brief moment, you allowed yourself to feel happiness. Real happiness. Sitting under the sun with him, laughing, letting your guard downâit had stirred something in you, something real and raw, a glimpse of the life you had always wanted.
âThat picnicâŚâ you murmur, your voice thick with emotion. âFor the first time in so long, I felt alive. I didnât feel like the person everyone expects me to be. I felt like⌠me.â
Father Charlieâs gaze softens, and he doesnât pull away when you step closer, his presence like a steadying force. âItâs not wrong to want more,â he says gently. âYou deserve to feel whole.â
âI donât know if I can,â you confess, your voice trembling. âIâve given up so much already. Whatâs left of me?â
He lifts your chin, forcing you to meet his eyes, and in them, you see the same conflict, the same struggle that mirrors your own. âThereâs still time,â he says, his words a quiet promise. âThereâs still time to find yourself.â
Tears spill freely now, and before you can stop yourself, you collapse into his arms, seeking solace in the warmth of his embrace. For a moment, the walls around your heart crumble, and you let yourself feel the ache of all youâve lostâthe life you could have had, the dreams that seem so distant now.
âI wanted a family,â you whisper into his shoulder, your voice breaking. âI wanted to be a mother, to love, to be loved. But insteadâŚâ
He tightens his arms around you, his voice barely above a whisper. âYou are loved. In ways you may not see yet.â
Father Charlie holds you close, his arms steady around you as your tears soak into his robe. The dam has broken, and thereâs no holding back the flood of emotions anymore. You cling to him like heâs the only solid thing in a world thatâs crumbling beneath your feet, each sob rising from a place so deep it scares you.
âI thought⌠I thought if I buried those dreams long enough, theyâd go away,â you murmur into his shoulder. âBut they havenât. Theyâve only grown louder. I see families, mothers with their children, and itâs like a knife in my heart. I want thatâso much it hurts.â
You pull back just enough to look up at him, eyes searching his face for understanding. His brow furrows, concern etched into every line. âI feel trapped here,â you continue, voice cracking. âIâve spent my life giving and giving, but no matter how much I give, I canât find peace. All I ever wanted was a simple life, with love. But instead, Iâm⌠this.â
Father Charlieâs hand comes up to cradle the side of your face, his thumb gently brushing away a tear. âYouâre not alone in this,â he says, his voice soft but resolute. âI see your struggle, and I feel it too. Every day I ask myself if I made the right choice. If this is what my life was meant to be.â
The vulnerability in his words makes your breath hitch. Youâve never heard him speak like this before, never knew he had the same doubts gnawing at him. Itâs both terrifying and comforting at onceâknowing that even someone like him, someone who always seems so sure, is just as lost as you are.
âI donât know how to keep pretending,â you admit, your voice a fragile whisper. âThat picnic, earlier today⌠it felt like a glimpse of the life I couldâve had. And for just a moment, I was happy. Truly happy. But then it all came crashing backâthe guilt, the expectations. The life I chose. It feels like a prison.â
Father Charlieâs thumb pauses on your cheek, and he lets out a slow breath. âI understand,â he says quietly. âMore than you know.â
The air between you feels heavy, thick with unspoken truths and shared pain. Thereâs something unspoken in his gaze, a longing that mirrors your own, and for a brief moment, you wonder if heâs wrestling with the same thoughtsâif his dreams have also been sacrificed for a life heâs no longer certain of.
âI never thoughtâŚ,â you begin, but the words catch in your throat. âI never thought Iâd feel this way, here of all places.â
His hand slips from your cheek to your shoulder, his touch warm and grounding. âFeelings are complicated,â he says softly, his eyes never leaving yours. âSometimes, we think weâve made peace with our choices, but deep down, our hearts tell a different story.â
A silence stretches between you, heavy but not uncomfortable. Thereâs something raw and honest about this moment, like the two of you are finally shedding the masks youâve been wearing for so long.
âI donât know what to do,â you admit, voice barely audible. âI feel so lost.â
Father Charlieâs gaze softens, and he leans in just slightly, his face close. âYou donât have to have all the answers right now,â he murmurs. âBut you donât have to face this alone.â
The weight of his words settles over you like a blanket, and for the first time in what feels like forever, you allow yourself to believe that maybe, just maybe, you donât have to carry this burden on your own. Maybe thereâs room for something moreâsomething real.
Your heart races in your chest, and you take a shaky breath, eyes locked with his. The closeness between you feels electric, every nerve in your body attuned to his presence, to the quiet intensity in his gaze. Itâs dangerousâthis connection. You both know it.
But in this moment, itâs all you have.
âââ
The church bells have just finished ringing, signaling the end of Sunday Mass. You stand outside with Father Charlie, your heart still heavy from the morningâs sermon. The congregation begins to disperse, everyone offering quiet blessings to one another as they leave. You and Father Charlie remain, lingering by the old stone archway. Itâs quieter now, the sacred stillness of the church grounds wrapped around you both like a secret.
He turns to you, his gaze soft and familiar, and you can feel the pull between youâstronger now than ever. The unspoken connection that had simmered all week after your vulnerable conversation feels unbearable in its intensity.
âI shouldnâtâŚâ you start, but your words falter as he steps closer, the warmth of his presence radiating into the space between you.
âI know,â he replies, his voice barely above a whisper. But the way his eyes flicker from yours to your lips betrays his struggle, mirroring your own.
Before either of you can talk yourselves out of it, your lips meet in a kiss. Itâs soft at first, tentative, but it quickly deepens, fueled by the weight of everything youâve been holding back for so long. The world seems to disappearâjust the two of you in a moment stolen from time itself, as your heart pounds wildly in your chest.
The kiss is both a comfort and a confession, a silent surrender to everything youâve been too afraid to say. You clutch the fabric of his robe, pulling him closer, needing to feel the solidness of him, to anchor yourself in this forbidden moment.
But then, a gaspâa sharp intake of breath that slices through the intimacy like a blade. You break apart, breathless, and turn to see Nun Megan standing at the edge of the churchyard. Her face is a portrait of shock and disbelief, eyes wide, hand clasped over her mouth as though she cannot believe what sheâs just witnessed.
Your stomach drops, cold dread flooding your veins.
âGoodnessâŚâ she whispers, her voice laced with horror, âwhat have you done?â
Father Charlie immediately steps back, but the damage is done. The air is charged with accusation, and you can see the betrayal written across her face. The weight of your actions crashes down around you, guilt mixing with panic.
âMegan, itâs notââ Father Charlie begins, but thereâs no stopping her now. She turns and rushes back toward the church, her steps frantic as if sheâs running to report what sheâs seen, to stop the corruption before it spreads further.
You and Father Charlie are left standing in the aftermath, the kiss lingering on your lips, now tainted with the knowledge that everything is about to change.
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âł thank you for reading all the way through, as always âĄ
#nicholas chavez#charlie mayhew#father charlie mayhew#nicholas chavez x reader#nicholas chavez smut#grotesquerie#nicholas alexander chavez#nicholas chavez imagine#nicholas chavez fanfiction#nicholas chavez fluff#father charlie x reader#father charlie smut
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.ăťCollege Ellie Headcannonsăăť
Note: This is more loser Ellie-centric, I wanna maybe do a part two with just reader and her. Some sexual content and mentions of getting zooted below so 18+ warning!
â˘Art major, but sheâs not the typical hot artsy lesbian you dream of her to be. More like rolls a fat blunt and sketches in her journal, itâll either turn out to be a masterpiece or look like a crackhead had a go with her paper.
â˘Speaking of art major, when sheâs horny and frustrated because she refuses to hook-upâŚshe draws the lewdest art known to woman-kind. Those are her real masterpieces, but she canât exactly turn them in for credit in her art class, can she? Fuck, the things that woman can make, though. Lowkey uses her exes naked bodies as inspiration though, maybe kind of weird but whoâs gonna stop her?
â˘Doesnât eat the food on campus half the time. She is embarrassingly addicted to Tai Pei containers and the occasional microwavable egg-roll. âThat shitâs nasty, Ellie! Goddamn, just eat the Tacos 4 Life we have on campus.â Her friends will all tell her, but no. Itâs like a guilty pleasure. Maybe itâs cause she grew up lower class and is used to TV dinners, has a special trauma bond to food that should be banned and probably is outside of America.
â˘Wardrobe consists of band tees, honorable mentions to Gorillaz and Falling in Reverse.
â˘Is actually an insanely talented writer. After reading her journals I feel like nobody talks about how emotional her entries are and she keeps a journal of her own in college for sure, not only for sketching and organizing art but also to write all her feelings out.
âFuck me, this is my last year being gay.â -After her and Catâs break-up, probably.
â˘Hates coffee. Definitely game-cannon, but this is important to the college setting. Itâs the classic Monster or nothing, and she will absolutely judge you for drinking coffee. She calls it âthe devilâs dirt.â So dramatic.
â˘Used to watch bad Hallmark movies because of Dina, now watches them alone because she misses Dina. Thereâs nothing like crying your eyes out to Christmas Under Wraps!
â˘Has a collection of rubber ducks on her shelf. Doesnât use her very small space for normal things like her wallet or books, no. Itâs rubber fucking ducks.
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â˘Also has a slipper collection in her tiny closet, from Pikachu all the way to dinosaur feet.
â˘Has the âtwo-seaterâ t-shirt (iykyk) but refuses to wear it in public because sheâs a pussy
â˘Favorite fruit is grapes. I just know my girl loves grapes when she can get her hands on them steer clear bc she will NOT share. Favorite candy is gummy worms!
â˘Actually wears rain boots when itâs wet outside or snowing
â˘Likes wired earbuds over airpods, listens to Pearl Jam when she misses living with Joel
â˘Is oddly good at making those little paper stars and has a huge grocery bag of then in all different patterns and colors
â˘When she starts dating you she shows you her dinosaur cookie-cutter collection because you're really good at baking. (Also bc she wants to see you in a frilly cute apron!)
â˘Is a slut for hugs. Kisses are cool, sex is great but agghhh Ellie just loves wrapping her arms around you and sometimes when you two are in her dorm she'll just hug you for what feels like hours on end, she calls it her 'weekly therapy.'
â˘Loves high sex because when she's sober she hates feeling like she's awkward or all up in her head. She also has a tendency to invite you over for sex after smoking.
â˘Has a septum piercing. Maybe this one is self-indulgent because I would go ballistic over seeing actual Ellie with one, but I say that college Ellie got hers pierced at 16 and didn't cry over the pain but wanted to literally jump off of a bridge the entire healing process it was so bad.
â˘Sometimes when you kiss her, her septum will slide over and look uneven and she feels fucking NIGERIA FALLS in her boxers when you fix it for her. Also for those of you who are sluts for glasses, you can fix her glasses too and it'll make her just as weak.
#tlou2#ellie tlou#ellie williams#ellie the last of us#the last of us part 2#ellie x fem reader#ellie williams au#ellie headcanons
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I hope your evening is better than your day was. â¨đŤ
In reference to me haggardly saying in the tags that after the day Iâd had, everything (horrible things with legs) that my loved ones (you guys) were doing to heal me (send me horrible things with legs) was a help. And it was. And you are.
It was a tough old month already. But itâs all swings-and-roundabouts, snakes-and-ladders, win-some-lose-some, đŤ´đŤł.
I sleep about 9 hours in 48 at the moment, which is not especially great, owing to the Wretchedness of Mouse (2), a largely nocturnal animal. But then when Mouse is awake at Mouse oâClock and quietly pottering around on Mouse Business, there isnât much I can usefully do, so Iâm just curled up with Dr Glassâs tablet, peacefully drawing Killie the jockey OC. As a result Iâve realised something massive for me, that my creativity is THERE, but fuelled by self-indulgence! Like, with stuff like fanfic projects and Killie, there was always a lot of âmental brakingâ on before, with me anticipating (based on evidence experience of posting my writing online for mumblety-many years) how much people would dislike it - put the brakes on, Elodie, we canât let the haters know that we yearn. But hey, I started rambling on about fics and my own OCs, and YES itâs probably startling and annoying for some people and I do apologise, but ALSO youâve all been very kind, and I think that itâs better for me to have the brakes off. 4 am takes notwithstanding, itâs better to have the brakes off. So what if Iâm cringe and occasionally annoying - I have paid my dues and done my duties.
The new shed at the allotment blew down, but we have been forgiven for our carelessness in allowing it to happen, and two people on the committee have approached me with kindness - one committee member even stopping me in a shop to tell me, âpeople want to help you, Elodie, weâre your friends, you know.â Citation needed, but there you go.
Saturdays are always made especially for me dreadful by taking children to swimming lessons, on foot both ways, but usually we walk on to meet friends for coffee after. I go out with my friends and play board games with our neighbours and have learned how to play Wingspan.
Dr Glass received an official diagnosis of ME, but I bought a robot vacuum in the strength of that - saying, well, why assume things will ever get easier? Letâs get easy now! - and actually I really like having a robot vacuum!!
There have been more causes than I could help with, but my promotion has strengthened the coffers, so this month Iâve been able to donate to a few!
Due to childcare falling through, I had to take all three kids to an antifash protest in the cold and was dreading it - the walking, the whining, is it going to be awkward, i trust the organisers but HEâS not bringing his kids, GOD. But then my neighbour and her giant puppy came with us! on purpose! And we knew a lot of people there and the kids played.
I had to buy some clothes for work, and I never buy anything new (never having money) and was scared Iâd get it wrong (stupid and weird) but I buckled up and bought these: https://www.disturbia.co.uk/products/rosamoth-button-up-midi-skirt https://www.disturbia.co.uk/products/swamplife-frog-embroidered-linen-blend-high-waist-midaxi-skirt
And it sounds bonkers, but the amount of people at work, etc, who have come up and instantly allied themselves with me on the strength of Frog Skirt / Moth Skirt has strengthened my convictions. Strongly recommend Frog Skirt / Moth Skirt and their emotional equivalents if you hit a stage of career where you need to suddenly level up.
I am thinking about counterweights. And kindness. And the balance of the turning world. And the light in the sky coming back. And, unfortunately, Killie, but heâs a counterweight too; sure, heâs awful, but we already know he contains the seeds of becoming okay.
As evidence suggests that many things do.
Thank you for your shining kindness, and my love back to you đŤ
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The OUAW brain rot continues.
I love their designs! And I wanted to have a little fun figuring out how I want to draw them, with my own little tweaks and self indulgent details. :)
Originally, I only meant to draw Frost, to figure out what kind of body type I wanted to give him. Then I ended up drawing the whole part, partially as a reference to myself. Also got their canon heights on a chart and put them all together for fun and for reference. c:
Some design tweak notes under the cut, if anyoneâs curious! These arenât redesigns or whatever, I just had some ideas in mind while sketching them in a way that fits my art style.
Design notes copied directly from my server:
đĽGid THICK BOY. He's not really a bodybuilder but he exercises and is very muscular. And he eats! A lot. So, thick boy. Scars from all the fighting. The wrists and ankles are because of his past.
I like giving his hair and beard a lot more fire. Body hair also glows fiery, it's just less bright.
đKremy I figure he's the skinniest of the group after Torbek. Most of what I did is a happy medium between references of alligators, the official art, and just my art style. Mostly game him scale patterns, more alligator-like feet, and changed the tail a bit, but it's hard to tell from this angle. Not much body definition because he's a squishy magic user and a gator lol
đŻFrost Fit but not defined. Kinda thick-ish, since he's a tiger, so there's loser skin and thick layer of fur. Digitigrade because I say so.
âšď¸Torbek Not much changed, mostly gave him more tubes, gave him bald patches where they connect to his skin (and didn't make those are infected looking as I imagine tbh), made him fuzzier, and gave him bigger ears because I like em. Also you can't see it in this angle but I like giving him a small fuzzy tail.
đžGricko Fit arms, but he doesn't exercise, so he gets a bit of a tummy. Scars because of his interest in monsters, and his various accidents. Wilder hair. Freckles and moles because I say so. Decorated hair (including feathers from Hootsie!)
đTwig Not much really?? Went by her description, the plushie and an emote of her that exists. Made her chubbier because I wanna. Originally made her hair all curlsâŚmight go back to that. Also freckles because cute.
Do you have your own headcanons for details of what they look like? :)
-- [BTW I do commissions]
#legends of avantris#once upon a witchlight#gideon coal#kremy lecroux#morning frost#torbek#gricko grimgrin#twig toadspring
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